Here’s
another one of our knee-jerking questions to really get you thinking. I know
for myself, my initial reaction to a question like this would be a quick skim
over my mind, probably resulting in an apparent green light with no
self-deception found.
But, the reality is that for each of us right
here right now, wherever we are, we are probably being self-deceived in some
area of our life.
Perhaps a gentler word to use would be one of blind spots.
Self-deception, or blind spots, ultimately happen because we aren’t able to see situations through everyone’s eyes, so our first viewpoint of everything is through our eyes, from our side.
- we’ve all been brought up in a certain context that has taught us certain things about life. Born in another context, you’d have a different viewpoint. It can be quite difficult to see things from another context, so what we might do in life is often find supportive evidence for our own context instead of trying to see another.
-
I often judge my own life based on my intentions, but judge everyone else’s life on their actions. In this instance we expect grace to be applied to us, assuming everyone should know our intentions and viewpoint. But when applied to others, the mindset is to judge them by their actions.
By doing this, we’re not applying the same measure, which can cause blind spots.
The Arbinger Institute defines self-deception, as “the state of not knowing and resisting that there is a problem, while one may be the problem itself.”
In their brilliant book titled Leadership and Self Deception, they provide a great example by taking us back 200 odd years ago.
Self-deception may materialise itself like this:
What are some steps to take to lessen self-deception?
- Look out for patterns that take place in your life. If you find, for example, that no matter which job you’re in your boss always thinks you’re too competitive, perhaps it is not them misunderstanding you – perhaps it is you misunderstanding your persona.
- See other people as a mirror of yourself. Empathy is about seeing a reflection of you in others. Saying, yes I too make these mistakes. When you see someone at fault or make a mistake, as yourself, does this in any way mirror myself?
- Learn to serve people, not because you have to or want recognition but because it’s who you are. By doing this, you place importance on others and not on yourself and open up your viewpoint by seeing things through their eyes.
- If you don’t live by your values you have to start justifying why you aren’t, which often leads to you magnifying somebody else’s faults.
- Be curious and ask good questions. People who are curious are less likely to fall into traps of self-deception, as they are continuously asking questions
- Be vulnerable. Vulnerable people are open and humble themselves towards others as well as open themselves towards the possibility that they might not be right; and that is okay. practice saying things like, Im sorry, I was wrong, I don't understand, or I too am scared.
- Make everyone your teacher. We are more likely to be open towards their views and experiences.Remember, we can learn something from everyone.
- Be accountable; because you are taking ownership for your life, you are less likely to be blind spotted.
I love the Window & Mirror principle from Jim Collins book, Good to Great: here leaders are encouraged to acknowledge others when things are going well and to look in the mirror when things are going wrong.
Encourage dialogue in your work place. Dialogue is the free flow of conversation, where we allow everyone to speak up. Dialogue is where we’re actually okay with the descending voice, because this voice may open up revelations.
Organisations that create the space for people to talk are less likely to walk in the way of self-deception.
Don’t walk away from this blog feeling self-condemned. As I said, self-deception is in all of us and we all fall victim to it – that’s okay. Rather, use this as a starting point in actively engaging with your personality and asking some juicy questions that could reveal to you in which areas you’ve been living with blind spots.
I hope this blog has been as revelational for you, as it has for me.