There are those topics that spark conflict or debate because there are two or more sides that see the situation differently. They’ve always been around. But perhaps we have them now more than ever, thanks to online platforms.
And it can erupt so quickly. One minute you could be online asking for advice on working from home, and then the next minute, you’re being Facebook stalked by a stranger who wants to publicly state his disgust at your opinion on the matter.
This is a situation where we tend to use turn less to contemplation and more to reaction. It’s because these topics spark a race of passionate emotions. This is why we want to make our point, argue on topics and enter debates.
The good news is, we’ve entered a time in which information is so readily available to us that we can always expand our knowledge on a topic and deepen our understanding, just by pressing a couple buttons.
More good news is that opposing ideas don't necessarily have to result in a degrading or unhealthy situation.
Having those tougher conversations, where you engage with the opposing idea or opinion, can be healthy.
Just to name a few advantages, it allows us to:
* Challenge ourselves
* Broaden our knowledge on varying topics
* Experience a taste of another’s journey
* Grow in understanding and deepened beliefs
The tricky part of this is to make the conversation constructive. Something that feels good for both sides, where you both walk away saying – wow that feels really good, it got me thinking. I felt heard, and heard the other side well too.
To do this, the first step is to demystify the difference between Opinions, Beliefs and Point of Views.They don’t all mean the same thing in the sense of what they represent.
To do this, the first step is to demystify the difference between Opinions, Beliefs and Point of Views.
They don’t all mean the same thing in the sense of what they represent:
- OPINIONS: This is a decided judgment or conclusion that is made on something. This is not necessarily based on fact or knowledge, although something perceived to be fact or knowledge, usually fuels this.
- POINTS OF VIEW: This usually refers to a conclusion made from a personal experience. Or a perception of an experience that's been influence by a personal experience. A person’s intimate experience will inform their point of view on things, rather than the exterior world or what they learn from others.
- BELIEFS: An acceptance or conviction that something is truth, especially one without concrete proof. Also meaning a faith, trust or confidence in something or someone. We will almost always take our personal, or cultural, morals and values into account when forming beliefs.
How does knowing this help us perceive others differently in conversation?
Knowing what each of these really mean gives an understanding into the way another communicates. Look out for the subtle hints suggested in another’s language, which informs you to what is behind their convicted statements.
For example:
If they express a connection between their conclusion and a piece of information they heard on the topic, it is likely to be an opinion.
When there is a connection between their personal experience of a matter and their conclusion, then this could be a point of view.
And if they express a great connection between their conclusion and their spiritual conviction, you can understand that this is probably based on a belief.
How we can use this to approach topics more constructively for both sides of the convo
Opinions: Keep an approach of interest – You know to be careful to not come across as an attacker. Instead, try to find out more about where they got their information/fact from. Ask them to delve a little deeper. How long ago was this? Did they find any other information supporting that one? Have they ever heard of any other supporting information for this argument?
Points Of View: Make sure you take a sensitive approach. Don’t act as if you know what it was like to be in their experience of the topic. Ask them to elaborate if they are comfortable to do so, on their experience. You could even say, “I’d love to hear your story about that experience, if you’re happy to tell it to me.” The more you understand, the more they will be happy to understand your experience too.
Beliefs: Approach with curiosity – and err on caution. This is something very close and dear to their heart and you shouldn’t come across to be questioned or challenged. Accept and respect that this is their belief. The more you understand the ‘how and why’ behind their conviction, the more you can respect them. And this can deepen your beliefs at the same time.
And remember to flip this question around onto yourself, too...
Have you stopped and done real, in-depth, contemplation and research around every topic you have a strong conclusion for? I know that I haven’t done this for every single conclusion I have. Even if I know enough to make the conclusion, it’s probably not enough to fully understand what the counter opinion to mine would be, and why it would be so. We have a great podcast that can help you with this.
Now, I wont deny that there are topics that are worth a heated debate. But I still stand strong by believing ons should always making sure you’ve done a sufficient amount of research before embarking on such conversations.
I also recognize that there are more areas to this topic than the three that I mentioned. So please take this all in a generalized context.
I also believe that so many of the arguments and conflicts seen in this world could be avoided. So much of it really is of no use. Everyone wants to be heard, and that’s why we’re fighting – because we strongly believe in our conclusion and want others to hear how we made sense of it. So… If we allow everyone to feel heard, we are no longer fighting to be heard. …we’re just talking to understand.
Craving for another good read? Check out last weeks blog here.